第42部分（第1页）

on　that。　Stay　around　and　they　would　kill　you。

Once　in　camp　I　put　a　log　on　top　of　the　fire　and　it　was　full　of　ants。　As　it　menced　to　burn；　the　ants　swarmed　out　and　went　first　toward　the　centre　where　the　fire　was；　then　turned　back　and　ran　toward　the　end。　When　there　were　enough　on　the　end　they　fell　off　into　the　fire。　Some　got　out；　their　bodies　burnt　and　flattened；　and　went　off　not　knowing　where　they　were　going。　But　most　of　them　went　toward　the　fire　and　then　back　toward　the　end　and　swarmed　on　the　cool　end　and　finally　fell　off　into　the　fire。　I　remember　thinking　at　the　time　that　it　was　the　end　of　the　world　and　a　splendid　chance　to　be　a　messiah　and　lift　the　log　off　the　fire　and　throw　it　out　where　the　ants　could　get　off　onto　the　ground。　But　I　did　not　do　anything　but　throw　a　tin　cup　of　water　on　the　log；　so　that　I　would　have　the　cup　empty　to　put　whiskey　in　before　I　added　water　to　it。　I　think　the　cup　of　water　on　the　burning　log　only　steamed　the　ants。

So　now　I　sat　out　in　the　hall　and　waited　to　hear　how　Catherine　was。　The　nurse　did　not　e　out；　so　after　a　while　I　went　to　the　door　and　opened　it　very　softly　and　looked　in。　I　could　not　see　at　first　because　there　was　a　bright　light　in　the　hall　and　it　was　dark　in　the　room。　Then　I　saw　the　nurse　sitting　by　the　bed　and　Catherines　head　on　a　pillow；　and　she　was　all　flat　under　the　sheet。　The　nurse　put　her　finger　to　her　lips；　then　stood　up　and　came　to　the　door。

〃How　is　she？〃　I　asked。

〃Shes　all　right；〃　the　nurse　said。　〃You　should　go　and　have　your　supper　and　then　e　back　if　you　wish。〃

I　went　down　the　hall　and　then　down　the　stairs　and　out　the　door　of　the　hospital　and　down　the　dark　street　in　the　rain　to　the　caf？　It　was　brightly　lighted　inside　and　there　were　many　people　at　the　tables。　I　did　not　see　a　place　to　sit；　and　a　waiter　came　up　to　me　and　took　my　wet　coat　and　hat　and　showed　me　a　place　at　a　table　across　from　an　elderly　man　who　was　drinking　beer　and　reading　the　evening　paper。　I　sat　down　and　asked　the　waiter　what　the　plat　du　jour　was。

〃Veal　stew……but　it　is　finished。〃

〃What　can　I　have　to　eat？〃

〃Ham　and　eggs；　eggs　with　cheese；　or　choucroute。〃

〃I　had　choucroute　this　noon；〃　I　said。

〃Thats　true；〃　he　said。　〃Thats　true。　You　ate　choucroute　this　noon。〃　He　was　a　middle…aged　man　with　a　bald　top　to　his　head　and　his　hair　slicked　over　it。　He　had　a　kind　face。

〃What　do　you　want？　Ham　and　eggs　or　eggs　with　cheese？〃

〃Ham　and　eggs；〃　I　said；　〃and　beer。〃

〃A　demi…blonde？〃

〃Yes；〃　I　said。

〃I　remembered；〃　he　said。　〃You　took　a　demi…blonde　this　noon。〃

I　ate　the　ham　and　eggs　and　drank　the　beer。　The　ham　and　eggs　were　in　a　round　dish……the　ham　underneath　and　the　eggs　on　top。　It　was　very　hot　and　at　the　first　mouthful　I　had　to　take　a　drink　of　beer　to　cool　my　mouth。　I　was　hungry　and　I　asked　the　waiter　for　another　order。　I　drank　several　glasses　of　beer。　I　was　not　thinking　at　all　but　read　the　paper　of　the　man　opposite　me。　It　was　about　the　break　through　on　the　British　front。　When　he　realized　I　was　reading　the　back　of　his　paper　he　folded　it　over。　I　thought　of　asking　the　waiter　for　a　paper；　but　I　could　not　concentrate。　It　was　hot　in　the　caf？and　the　air　was　bad。　Many　of　the　people　at　the　tables　knew　one　another。　There　were　several　card　games　going　on。　The　waiters　were　busy　bringing　drinks　from　the　bar　to　the　tables。　Two　men　came　in　and　could　find　no　place　to　sit。　They　stood　opposite　the　table　where　I　was。　I　ordered　another　beer。　I　was　not　ready　to　leave　yet。　It　was　too　soon　to　go　back　to　the　hospital。　I　tried　not　to　think　and　to　be　perfectly　calm。　The　men　stood　around　but　no　one　was　leaving；　so　they　went　out。　I　drank　another　beer。　There　was　quite　a　pile　of　saucers　now　on　the　table　in　front　of　me。　The　man　opposite　me　had　taken　off　his　spectacles；　put　them　away　in　a　case；　folded　his　paper　and　put　it　in　his　pocket　and　now　sat　holding　his　liqueur　glass　and　looking　out　at　the　room。　Suddenly　I　knew　I　had　to　get　back。　I　called　the　waiter；　paid　the　reckoning；　got　into　my　coat；　put　on　my　hat　and　started　out　the　door。　I　walked　through　the　rain　up　to　the　hospital。

Upstairs　I　met　the　nurse　ing　down　the　hall。

〃I　just　called　you　at　the　hotel；〃　she　said。　Something　dropped　inside　me。

〃What　is　wrong？〃

〃Mrs。　Henry　has　had　a　hemorrhage。〃

〃Can　I　go　in？〃

〃No；　not　yet。　The　doctor　is　with　her。〃

〃Is　it　dangerous？〃

〃It　is　very　dangerous。〃　The　nurse　went　into　the　room　and　shut　the　door。　I　sat　outside　in　the　hail。　Everything　was　gone　inside　of　me。　I　did　not　think。　I　could　not　think。　I　knew　she　was　going　to　die　and　I　prayed　that　she　would　not。　Dont　let　her　die。　Oh；　God；　please　dont　let　her　die。　Ill　do　anything　for　you　if　you　wont　let　her　die。　Please；　please；　please；　dear　God；　dont　let　her　die。　Dear　God；　dont　let　her　die。　Please；　please；　please　dont　let　her　die。　God　please　make　her　not　die。　Ill　do　anything　you　say　if　you　dont　let　her　die。　You　took　the　baby　but　dont　let　her　die。　That　was　all　right　but　dont　let　her　die。　Please；　please；　dear　God；　dont　let　her　die。

The　nurse　opened　the　door　and　motioned　with　her　finger　for　me　to　e。　I　followed　her　into　the　room。　Catherine　did　not　look　up　when　I　came　in。　I　went　over　to　the　side　of　the　bed。　The　doctor　was　standing　by　the　bed　on　the　opposite　side。　Catherine　looked　at　me　and　smiled。　I　bent　down　over　the　bed　and　started　to　cry。

〃Poor　darling；〃　Catherine　said　very　softly。　She　looked　gray。

〃Youre　all　right；　Cat；〃　I　said。　〃Youre　going　to　be　all　right。〃

〃Im　going　to　die；〃　she　said；　then　waited　and　said；　〃I　hate　it。〃

I　took　her　hand。

〃Dont　touch　me；〃　she　said。　I　let　go　of　her　hand。　She　smiled。　〃Poor　darling。　You　touch　me　all　you　want。〃

〃Youll　be　all　right；　Cat。　I　know　youll　be　all　right。〃

〃I　meant　to　write　you　a　letter　to　have　if　anything　happened；　but　I　didnt　do　it。〃

〃Do　you　want　me　to　get　a　priest　or　any　one　to　e　and　see　you？〃

〃Just　you；〃　she　said。　Then　a　little　later；　〃Im　not　afraid。　I　just　hate　it。〃